Monday, June 23, 2008

Monday's Child is Fair of Face

I was born on a Wednesday. In fact, I was born on the same Wednesday as Heath Ledger. I discovered this after doing a cursory Google search to determine which kind of child I was predicated to be. Not, apparently, fair of face.

Now there are two things I have in common with Heath Ledger: we both were born on Wednesday, April 4th, 1979, and we both live(d) in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, NY. I bet he also liked his burgers with the full Aussie lot. Now it's three. This is close to being a macabre game of Seven-Steps-to-Kevin-Bacon.

That I am making any of the connections above should clue you in, regardless of any fairness-of-face, to the fact that I am wholly Wednesday's child. Oh, Wednesday's children! What are we full of? Woe.

Woe is us. Or would it be, "Woe are us." I'll keep that in mind just in case I end up working for Toys R Us in the midst of a hot "Welcome to Tim Burton's Wild, Wacky World of Childhood Development" trend. Woe R Us, indeed.

So, we are woe. Pretty dramatic, right? I propose a rewrite of this nursery rhyme to better suit my personality. The late Mr. Ledger unfortunately has made a strong case for Wednesday's children. Which makes me sad. . .until I think about Zimbabwe, and proportion trumps particulars.

Shall we read the ditty?

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child must work for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

And shall we pause for a moment to consider how this verse casts radical doom on not only Wednesday's, but Thursday's AND Saturday's child? Or, to put it another way, a good 3/7ths of the population? (Assuming, of course, that births are proportionate to the number of days in a week.)

While I'm assuming (and flagrantly risking ass-making), it might be fun to ponder whether this nursery rhyme has its foundations in Christianity. Let me get out my tattered copy of King James and remind myself what was created on the third, fourth and sixth day of Creation.

On the third day, God created dry land and plants.

So....obviously, this means that vegetarianism is woeful....? Let's check out day four.

On the fourth day, God created the sun, moon and stars.

Okay, so Thursday's child has far to go. This can be interpreted as meaning space travel, perhaps. Neil Armstrong was born on July 20th, 1930. That was a Sunday, which is the Pass-Go-&-Collect-$200 day. But Sally Ride was born on May 26th in 1951 -- a Saturday!!! Which brings us to our next day-o'-birthin'-doom. (Attention, young feminists. There is a masters thesis somewhere in this...)

On the sixth day, God created the land animals and man.

Well. I suppose I can see the "work for a living" theme, although I'm not too thrilled about the idea of turning the mythic consequences of Original Sin into a nursery rhyme.


Today is Monday, and that's where this tangent began, as well as this blog.

Why "even the fleas" for a name? Suffice it to say: it was the first combination that I could claim both from Blogger and the Domain Mafia.

Sorry, Mr. Porter. After I found out Wednesday's Child was an adoption organization, I really wanted to name the blog "Educated Fleas." 'Twas not meant to be.

Could "Even the Fleas" be a good name for an adoption organization? Points to ponder. Don't let's ask Elna Baker. (We already know it's a BAD idea anyway, right?)


me said...


john langford said...

yeah, that 3/7ths figure doesn't take leap-weeks into account. one in 1,812 babies is born on Furbsday.

Collins said...

i, too, am a wednesday child. yet one more thing that makes me think the universe knows exactly what should be.

looking forward to more esoteric blogging. i miss your tone and timbre in my life. it's like mother's milk, my friend.